Guide to Woman in Your Life

Guide to Woman

Aries: In a glance, you play with the ball, using the ball’s own velocity to score. That’s what you should do with an Arian partner. Channelize her energies for your benefit, smart eh? It means not to oppose her openly otherwise you will land up in the divorce courts or the psychiatrist’s couch. Intensity characterizes the Arian woman. Passionate, energetic, blunt, fiery, she is a tornado. No use facing a tornado head on. Rather let it spend its force. Then guide her gently. That’s glancing for you. The fringe benefits are that, she will love you for it, be your slave. Once you have your foot on her beck, a few gifts might be scattered around her, unobtrusively. That’s style, gentlemen.

Taurus: That’s for the Taurean woman. She has common sense which is uncommon to most of us. And she is artistic. Now you will never get anywhere with her by wheeling and dealing. Give it to her straight and hard and flat. Open the face of your bat, as the cricket pundits say, be honest, be frank. Best to give her diamonds; NOT the artificial ones, please, ’twill show on her and she will save it fora rainyday. She will make your house comfortable and cosy. But she can be obstinate, that’s where the straight drive comes in.

Gemini: As the name of the shot suggests, you have to use force, to uproot out of normal and natural surroundings. Use it for the Gemini woman, because she is scatterbrained and yet brilliant. If allowed to go her own way, she will be all in pieces [yes, she can pick up her own pieces and set them whole again], and make of you a nervous wreck [if two Gemini marry, God should help God]. You sue the pull against the spin or natural direction of the ball. In the same way, tackle this dame. As in assaying the pull shot, you will miss from time to time, and get a broken nose, or a skull fracture from time to time [hairline I hope]. Ask her to bandage you good and proper, but expect it only once or twice. Patience is not her virtue. She will let fly a few beamers at you, though you be on a sick bed. My advice is: duck. On the plus side she is great fun to be with; curious and stimulating.

Cancer: You reserve this stroke, delicate and delectable, for the Cancerian woman. she is sentimental, devoted, motherly. A darn good cook and imaginative, and touchy. Try not to drive her straight and hard, gentlemen. The chances are that, she will drive you crazy. She has a hard shell to retire, breed, bide her time. Then she will be after you with her crab-like claws. Better play it sweet. Cut her late and and cut her her quick, cut her grand and cut her to the marrow and the meat. She is built for eternity, she aspires to be with you for all the nine hundred and ninety nine reincarnations. The trick of the late-cut is in the final, frisky tap of the ball with the bat. Learn it, master it. It will take you a lifetime

Leo: That’s obviously, for the queen, the Leon Lady. You don’t attack! You defend, in grace and with eclat! Apart from her ego, the Leo partner is very strong willed, very sure, very charming to others! Why run the risk of a clash and a possible loss? Wait for her to see reason, firmly and politely, as you do with a backward defensive shot! Wear her out into sanity! At times, defence is the best form of attack! The other reasons are: the Leon is loyal and worthy of worship

Virgo: Either bully or be bullied. No middle way with a Virgoan dame. So, why not be the master? C-r-u-s-h her under your heels. Or, your life will be forfeit. Let the ash fall on the carpet, let the clothes be crumpled, le the home be dirty but companionable. Once she starts working, the Salvation Army takes over. Prudes ad puritans have to be shocked. Only a stupendous sixer with the ball getting lost in the crowd can do it. Go for it, slam for a six!

Libra: For the arty, argumentative, dimpled Libran darling, I suggest strongly, the flick! A wristy and risky shot. But when well brought off, a pleasure to watch. For the flick, you need strong, supple wrists, perfect timing. Confidence in yourself, an ability to sight the ball early and well. Not a shot for the run of the mill players; neither is a Libran woman, meant for one and all. She has brains and beauty, a fine mix of aggression and tact, charms to soothe the savage, enough terrors in her to terrify a warrior bold and brave. Why these peans of praise? Because she jolly well deserves it. It also signifies that she can give a wondrous woe-to-man [therefore a woman]. You have to be alert, brilliant, quick and strong, a shining knife blade, if you hope to get her, and more important to keep her. That’s why I said the flick. Be classy, be subtle, be slick. In dress and demeanor. Be, in short, the devil. She will love you for it. Flick off her arguments, her winsome ways, her coquetry, her artistry. But do it without losing her cool. Do it with grace, and, all is forgiven 

Scorpio: A dangerous but deadly shot this. We reserve it for the femme fatale, the Scorpio woman. Devious and devilish, she is determined in action, firm of purpose [like Lady Mcbeth], jealous even of shadows, you have to be dexterous and strong as in executing the square-cut, or you will be bad in the slips. This woman is a dynamite. A strong character, she needs firm but crisp handling, as in the square-cut.

Sagittarius: For the hook shot, you need power, timing, footwork, quick reflexes and daring! Not for the timid and the timorous! Neither is a Sagittarius mate meant for the weak in body, mind and spirit! She is vibrant, sensually alive! She is for fresh air and sports and love for romance! Chancing her arm and her heart, she gets in and out of messy situations with a horse laugh! Gentlemen, hook her hard and hook her handsome! If you don’t, the bouncer gets you, and you will be out of the game for quite some time! An exciting woman!

Capricorn: Smite the Capricornian lady hard and square! She is practical and pragmatic, the no-nonsense type. She is not the lady for dilly-dallying and dalliance! You see, she is conservative and ambitions. In addition, she is great one for gloom! She shines from the abyss, as author Henry Miller reports. Be, in masonic language “on the square” with her. Loyal and steady, teach her, by your actions and words, to be demonstrative! The square-leg shot is one with a cross bat. It requires timing and footwork. Understand her moods, her sense of perfection and order, her desire to streamline events and working schedules. A distinctive characteristic of Capricornian’s is their love for music. Pamper it!

Aquarius: It’s for the Aquarian Miss, the exact opposite of Leon. Not a tricky, but an unconventional woman. Her bowling will be uneven; she will mix the lot – spin, pace, beamers and bouncers. With the forward defensive shot, you are ready for all eventualities. Up one moment and down the next, literally and metaphorically, she will improve and innovate. To bowl over this maiden, sometimes you will have to play a maiden, without fear or fawning. Be firm, but not timid. That’s why the forward defence. Let not her bowling, her style, her personality get on top of you, as with the Leon woman, as the Aquarian does not enjoy being the boss of the show. Respect her brain-power though. She is original, and like most such people, erratic. Meet her forward. Master her by recognising her womanhood and gently asserting your manhood. Difficult, yet. But that’s where the fun lies. Watch the ball, gentlemen, and move forward, keeping your heel well in the crease.

Pisces: Now this is a difficult one, as you are half forward and half backwards. It requires skill, so does your treatment of a Piscean partner. She is all woman. That means trickery, laughter and tears, escape and possession all in the same breath. Never a dull moment, my hearties, with this woman. Even as you are sure you have mastered this mare, she will bolt away. Ay, there’s the rub. Don’t blame her though. It’s the way she is made. Artistic, pleasant to be with, one foot on terra firma, and the other in the clouds, she will lead you a merry dance. That’s why the half-cock. Play it by instinct. And, you play it right.

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